What I deserve, as a wonderful person.

So I had to skip LeHigh Valley altogether. Being raised Catholic, this caused immense guilt for not supporting my family in an endeavor I started with them months ago. Good thing they were also raised Catholic and know forgiveness well. Ha! I was planning on going and supporting, without any running due to the shins, then a case of strep throat exacerbated by three nights of work in a row and a fever of 101.4 kept me home.

Anyways, this shin issue is ongoing. I gave myself the gift of a mile-long run on Monday the 6th. It hurt. I actually ended up walking part of it. Once I got back to the car, my left (?!?!) hip was really hurting and I was actually limping, along with the right shin being sore. Luckily the hip seemed to be acute and went away in a few hours.

But, about that run. It was the kind of day for me, where I left crying (the really good kind of crying) because I loved the experience so much. The air was cool and crisp. It was about 4pm. The woods were beautiful and inviting, the ground was packed and not muddy at all, perfect conditions. I got reminded of last fall.

Last fall, I was training for Shut-In, and got up to about 35 mpw. I remember thinking there was no point in going out if you're not doing at least 8 miles. I remember one day when I had done over 30 miles in the last 4 days so I left myself have pizza at a work party. I was trying to do everything perfectly, eat right, rest right, etc. It was the highlight of my running career to date. I could go run 5 days a week - sometimes 6. I was going 7+ miles every time. I felt so good, so confident and so strong. I felt invincible. My body was starting to change. Instead of just being skinny, I was actually getting muscular. A dream in the making.

Everything was going really well until my grandmother died. I went up to Michigan for the funeral. The family was a mess. The Catholic Michiganers are a breed of their own... and yes, technically I am one too, but I run to let out stress. We even ended-up having an intervention at a Coney Island. The stress of the trip, added to the stress my body was under caused it to crash. At the hotel, I remember telling mom that for some reason, my shins were really hurting, and I hadn't even run in two days. Stress goes and sits in the weakest muscles for me. My stress was going to sit in my shins, and not leave. That was the beginning of the end.

I got back home and returned to running 35 mpw. That next weekend, was a 16-miler up Shut-In. I could tell I was hurting, but was sure I could push through it. A few days after that was hill-training day. This gave me an opportunity to run fast. I LOVE to run fast. I let loose, and did around 20 short and long hill combos, with an additional couple miles of warm-up. By the last one, I could barely walk, and found myself sent home with two ice packs on my hips... crying. Cool-down was aborted. I knew the future, and was heart-broken.

The story has the ending.

So, my run on Monday... Ahhh. Just thinking about it now is making me want to go out right now. It's cool and rainy - perfect fall conditions for a run. I could wear one of my jackets! It's been so long since I've gotten to wear a jacket to run! I wish one could force healing. I wish that if you wanted it bad enough, it would happen for you. Why can't life be like that? Patience. My friend Brian told me that he had shin pain in the past, and tried new shoes over and over until his finally went away with a certain pair. I'm thinking I should go buy some new running shoes. Right now. Immediately.

Fall is the perfect time to run, and I am selfish and believe I deserve to get to run. I deserve to get to train for Shut-In and not just have to hike it in two months. I deserve to get to go out this beautiful time of year and pound away at the trails. I deserve to let my stress out the way I love to do it. I deserve the heavy breathing and that feeling my lungs get when they've been worked hard. I deserve the sweat. I deserve the toned muscles. I deserve the looks of others who see me as strong. I deserve thinking of myself as strong, confident, healthy and beautiful. Now, off to the shoe store...

Thank you Universe.